Director's Cut II
by Mediancat
Summary: Veronica Mars and friends get introduced to PWPs and their director. A Twenty Minutes with Spike story.


Disclaimer: Spike was created by Joss Whedon; The Veronica Mars characters are the creation of Rob Thomas.

X X X X X

We were all sitting in a room -- and by all I mean "all." Everyone I've even vaguely known in my time in Neptune -- including Lilly (somehow alive again), Aaron Echolls (somehow out of jail, and doing his best to piss me off by winking at me), and even Wanda Varner. I was sitting next to Dad.

How we'd gotten here, I had no idea. The last thing I remember is opening my front door and seeing someone standing there. And then --

And then I was here.

Here was what looked like a classroom, although it seemed to be attached to a movie studio.

Right as Wallace was about to lean over and ask for the fourth time what was going on -- and for me to answer, "No idea. Really. I mean it," also for the fourth -- the door slammed open and a guy with Billy Idol-colored hair and a long leather jacket walked into the room.

"Evenin', all," he said in a generic lower-class British accent. "I suppose you're all wonderin' what you're doing here."

"You got that right," came a voice from behind me. Dick Casablancas. "I mean, I got surfing to do and asses that need tapping."

The man grinned. "Right. They're going to like you. Anyway, my name's Spike --" Spike? Who the hell named their kid Spike? -- besides Spike Lee, and anyway he was likely to sue anyone else who tried, if his reaction to SpikeTV was any indication -- "And I'm the director."

Mac said, "The director of what?"

"Glad you asked. The director of the PWP's you're all going to be acting in for the next few months. _Before you ask,_" Spike said, "A PWP is short for 'Porn without Plot.' It's a fanfiction story where the only point is to show two characters doin' the nasty, as often and as graphically as possible. There will be references to coming, cumming, penises, breasts, and vaginas, and you will all be using them -- with as many other people as possible. Sometimes more than one at the same time."

Dick said, "Dude, alright!" No one else seemed especially enthusiastic.

"I don't care who the hell you are," I said, "I will not be having sex with Dick, Aaron, or anyone else in this room. Especially not my father."

Spike came over and glared at me. "See, that's where you're wrong. You _will_ be having sex with these people. As often as I tell you to, with whoever I tell you to. You're right about one thing, though. Pop's off limits. Most people who read these things seem to lack a taste for daddy-daughter action. But there's frequently sibling-on-sibling action -- and yes, Dick, Beaver, I mean you."

Abruptly this didn't seem like as much fun to Dick. "Dude. I'm not going to screw my brother."

"Dude," Spike said mockingly, "You don't get it. You don't have a fucking choice. There are people out there right now who want to see you 'tapping the ass' of your brother, Veronica, Mac, and probably Logan and Duncan too. Veronica, you're likely to be screwin' everyone in this room at some time or other. So you'd better get used to the idea. And before you get any ideas about rushing me," Spike said, "There're thousands of people out there who desperately want to see one or all of you naked with each other doin' things not suitable for prime time viewing. If you don't think I can stop you, they sure will. Likely they're fantasizin' about it, anyway."

"So," Dad said. "Why?"

"Are you fucking deaf?" Spike said. "I just told you why. People want to see it happen; they've wanted to see shit like this all the way back to Star Trek. Kirk screwing Spock. Where the hell do you think the term 'Slash" came from, anyway? Kirk Slash Spock. Anyway, this is pretty much all you do in the off-season, anyway."

"B-but I'm a virgin," Mac said.

"Not for these purposes, you're not. You're as experienced as they want you to be. And it doesn't need to be consistent. One time you'll be a leather-clad dominatrix; the next you'll be an innocent schoolgirl; the next, you'll have service half the PCH'ers. All in the service of PWP." He clapped his hands. "So. Any more questions?"

"Do we at least get paid?" Wallace asked.

"Yeah. In sex. Fucking hell, mate, I don't get paid. You think I like doing this? Well, the answer's no." This time no one had any more questions. "Right then. The assignment list is up on the board over there; Veronica, you're up first; someone wants you and Mac to get together. Everyone else, go back to the dressing rooms and get ready. And welcome to the wonderful world of PWP."


End file.
